Afraid
by BlackBrightField2007
Summary: She had fought in a war, battled with Homunculus and faced death more than she could count on. But, there's one thought that scared her more than anything. What if she followed her mother's footstep? What if she died before her children understand anything? (Royai)


**Afraid**

Saturday evening. As usually, Central park was packed with families and couples having time together on such a lovely weekend. The sky was in its bluest hue, with big spots of white marshmallow-liked clouds here and there; there was also a nice breeze sweeping gently through Central park making that evening a hundred fold better than any other day. Kids were dominating the playgrounds; a few kids were taking turns on the tall, multi-coloured slides, a few more were racing to cross the monkey bars; four kids were at the swings, trying their best to swing the highest and getting cheered by their friends; there were also children who preferred to chase their friends around the playground. It was such a wonderful sight, especially for the parents who were mostly sitting on blanket, with a picnic basket on the center. It was going to be a evening well spent for everyone especially the parents who had been busied during weekdays.

There, at the edge of the park, where there were less of people, sat a lone member of Ametris Military. Her golden eyes scanned the entire place, observing the happiness and loves radiating from each and every one that was there. A pair of children chasing a colourful ball caught her eyes and she was transfixed. The boy was around seven years old while the girl was maybe two years younger than him. They were playing with their father, a man that was her colleague. After all those years in military, that guy finally achieved one of his life's dream; family. His own little family with the woman of his dream. The female soldier was of course tad jealous... well more than that as she kept watching the little family.

She wished she could be as happy as he was but somewhere very deep inside her, she knew it was something out of reach. Children. She wanted to have her owns and yet, there was that feeling, an emotion that she tried again and again to fight it over. It hurt her beyond words. She kept asking herself if it was an acceptable idea to bring a child into this world that was being destroyed by the people living in it. There were madness everywhere and evil oozed out from every direction. Whenever the thought flew into her mind, her heart tugged in a very painful way. She wanted a child of her own but she was afraid. She was terrified.

General Hawkeye took a deep breath. She had never been so vexed and unsettled, not in her entire life. Being the best sniper in the whole country, it was in her nature to be composed and calmed all the time. It was the one thing that she always proud of; not to mention very grateful as that was a few things that made her sane when she took care of those 'kids.' The kids here were her former team members under the guidance of Colonel Mustang. They taught her to calm herself quickly and not banged her head against the table every single day.

Those memories brought a small smile to her. Those 'boys' under her care brought out the 'mother' inside of her and sometimes, the 'father.' She loved the feeling, of being a parent, secretly of course. It made her felt special. Her best friend often said that she could be a great mother whenever she dropped by at Mustang's team's office. Also, nurturing Black Hayate made her heart screaming to have children of her own.

But…

She was terrified.

Apart from the world being a very dangerous place, she was afraid that if she couldn't be a good mother. Taking care of her team members was a totally different story. They were just adults that needed some motivations and an eye to watch them over as they did their work. A child, on the other hand, would require her attention more than hundred percent. She knew she was ready for motherhood, but would she be _at least_ a good mother.

That was one part of the reasons. The other part was the biggest one; the source of her not being the Hawk's Eye as she lost all her focus in matter of seconds. She had to mentally slap herself multiple times within five minutes just to make sure that she could do her job properly as a general. The biggest reason of her being terrified was… what if she died?

What if she died when the child was still young? Just like what she had been through when she was barely four years old. Riza Hawkeye didn't want her child, or preferably children, to grow up without a mother. The pain she went through was almost a living hell. Her father was colder than an iceberg after her mom death. If she was meant to die before her child could take care of his or herself, Riza won't and couldn't forgive herself. She knew that mental torture. It was excruciatingly the most painful circumstance for a child had to grow up with.

Elizabeth Hawkeye died due to an illness, something to do with genetics. Riza read about it once and she knew, there was a possibility of her to end up like her mother was high. What if…

A sudden tap on her left shoulder and an orange-flavoured popsicle appeared in front of her face. Riza looked up. The owner of the hand holding the cold confection was standing behind her. A lopsided grin stamped on his face. She replied his grin and accepted the ice-cream.

"Been day dreaming again?" he jumped over the cement bench and took a seat beside her.

"Just thinking," she muttered.

He nodded. Both of them quietly enjoyed their dessert, watching kids running around the park and having the wind went through their hair. She finished hers and tossed the stick into the nearest bin. It hit the rim and fell out. She sighed and started to get up but he stopped her. Instead, he stood and walked to the bin, picked up the stick and threw it, together with his, into their rightful place. Then, he sat back beside her. He took both of her hands and ran his fingers on hers. He stopped on one of her fingers. A simple gold band with a heart-shaped diamond adorned her ring finger. The ring he bought for her when they got married.

"Everything's gonna be alright," he kissed her ring.

"Wha…"

She never got the chance to finish her sentence as her husband stole a quick kiss on the lips.

"There's nothing to worry 'bout," he said again. He gently stroke her beautiful, smooth golden hair.

Riza let her head rested on his strong shoulder and took a deep breath of his cologne. It was her favourite ever since the first time she took a waft of it, years back.

"If I die…"

"I will make sure you won't!" he hated that. If she died, then there's no reason for him to keep on breathing.

"Listen to me first, please." She looked directly into his obsidian eyes. "There will always the possibility that I'm going to die first… And if I do, please promise me that you'll take care of him. Don't let him go through what I'd."

Her voice was doused with sadness and it hurt him, a lot.

"I will… I won't be like your father. I know you're scared of that Riza but we are going through this together. I promise you I will protect you and our baby," he placed his hand on her stomach. It had grown quite big for the past few months. A small force kicked him from the inside.

The parents smiled. Yes, Riza was seven month pregnant and every single day passed, she became more worried about the child's life if she died. Her husband took her hand, placed it on her abdomen and together they felt their baby's kicking.

"This little Mustang will protect his mommy just like daddy. So mommy has nothing to worry about," Roy said, making a child-like voice. He kept on caressing her stomach and gave her a deep kiss on her temple. "I love you, Riza." He whispered.

Riza Hawkeye squeezed Roy's hand, "I love you too."

* * *

><p>A loud cry awaken the parents. Roy jumped out of the bed and got to his daughter's cot. Elizabeth Mustang was crying on top of her lungs, kicking her soft pink blanket away from her tiny body. He quickly picked the baby up into his arms. As soon as she was in her father's arms, the child stopped crying and directly looked into his eyes. A pair of beautiful golden eyes met obsidian. Her eyes were definitely the best inheritance she got from her mother; Roy's favourite. He cooed at her. She laughed whole heartedly and the sound spread warmth in the father.<p>

"It's three am and you wanted to play, eh?"

Elizabeth put her arms up, still giggling. Knowing that his daughter wouldn't be going to sleep anytime soon, he brought her to the bed. Roy placed his daughter gently on the bed, beside her sleeping big brother and before he could lay his body on the mattress, Elizabeth already got on all fours. The young Mustang crawled to _and over_ her big brother to get to another Mustang in the bed. Ryan Mustang made a sound, something like _ooffd_ when his sister put all her weight on his stomach but he stayed in his deep slumber.

Her mother picked her up before she could wake her brother up. Eliza placed her hands on her mommy's face, started to pull her cheeks. This brought a small laughter from her mommy and daddy.

"Elizabeth," Riza cooed as her daughter kept on amusing herself. She kissed Elizabeth's face a couple of times and put her across her chest. She stroked the thick, short raven hair she got from Roy, trying to calm her down to sleep. Eventually, Elizabeth Mustang fell asleep after five minutes on her chest.

Roy took her hand and squeezed it. He looked deep into her eyes. No words were exchanged between the parents for sometimes.

"Everything's gonna be alright," he reassured her. He knew she was still scared despite they had gone into parenthood for almost five years with two kids. She was still an open book to him despite her effort to hide her worry.

"I'm still afraid, Roy."

She could feel his thumb making circles on the back of her hand, trying to calm her down. She was scared for the risk of her dying before her children grew up.

"Don't be. Riza, the kids are our strength, _your_ strength to keep on fighting and living. Just like you're mine," Roy said.

Riza's gaze turned to both of her sleeping children on her bed, between her and Roy. They were her life. She just couldn't bear just to think about those what ifs. Her traumatic childhood with the coldest father in the world still torment her from time to time.

"I won't be like Mr. Hawkeye. I love them more than anything in this world and I… we _will _protect them. Together." Roy knew from seeing those golden orbs, she was thinking about his alchemy teacher. She was afraid that if she died, he would turn to another Berthold Hawkeye, an uncaring father after the death of his beloved wife. Roy Mustang had promised himself that he would protect his children from the second he knew Riza was pregnant with Ryan. He also almost turned to another Hughes the moment he saw his newly born, still red and so tiny son.

Those words rolled out from his mouth soothed her. She knew her husband would keep his promise. Those were the vows he gave her for the sake of their children.

"Don't worry, I'm always here."

That instant, she knew that everything was gonna be okay. Roy would always be there for her and the children.

"Thank you Roy."

Her fear of losing those she loved would be her strength to protect. Just like believing in Roy's dream back in the days where he was a Colonel, she was his First Lieutenant, had been the sole reason to fight. Roy and the two young Mustangs sleeping beside her, were her reasons to keep her fears at bay. They were her strength and will to fight.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** I got this idea from an image on Google Image. Saw it accidentally but I couldn't find it anymore. I love to see them to be an actual family, with kids and I know Roy would be just like Hughes if he had kids. Thanks for reading and please do review!


End file.
